Did i miss my train...Altogether???

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2day i missed my train first time in life by 5 mins. I ran frantically from bus stand to Bangalore railway station with luggage.. My heart was racing at double the speed.. i was sweating like mad.. i desperately wanted to catch the train.. but it left the station by the time i reached platform.. i felt helpless..frustrated...angry upon myself... the same kind of helplessness which i felt when my state got bifurcated against our wishes....which i felt when i failed to clear UPSC mains in 2nd attempt.... which i felt when i was forced by situations to resign my job..which i felt when i read the problems of my country in books... I am devastated.... I wanna cry like hell.. i wanna smash someones face with my fist.. if not some1's, atleast mine in mirror... This is such a pathetic situation to be in..

No-one understands me. The failure in mains is something which i am still not able to come to terms with. Perceptibly i did no mistake. I tried my level best.. i gave my 100%.. but upsc is so unpredictable that it leaves u with surprizes. Well.. i was always ready for such a  surprize. But people around me started feeling bad more than what i feel... My mom wants me to rejoin job, as she could get me married to a good girl. Only Employed guys get good matches.. She isn't proud of the fact that Her son is preparing for the toughest exam of the country.. She feels that she gave me enough time..i.e., 2yrs... My dad n mom want me to go back2 earning phase of life n settle down like every other human being... We take Birth- We earn - We marry - We get children - We retire n then We die... this is not the life i want to lead... If every1 follows the same lifestyle, there wouldn't have been great leaders, poets, cricketers etc etc in our society..All i need is time... that too my time.. I donno why people are so emotionally attached to MY DAMN TIME ! this is once in a lifetime oppurtunity for me.. I myt fail in all my attempts, still i wanna give my 100% and no1 understands dat thing.

I just want a break from these relationships around me. I need absolutely no disturbance. I love you all.. but i love my goals n ambitions too... I can't sacrifice my goals, to satisfy your needs... This myt seem to be a monologue of a frustrated failed upsc candidate..well, i dont mind to be called like dat... Afterall, thats your perception.. I am not gonna go down,without putting up a fight...im gonna take upsc headon n even if fail, i consider it to be the failure of UPSC which missed me. Only "I" am the best friend of Myself. Cheers Sathish !!!






Comments

  1. Anonymous20 March 2014 at 11:47

    bubu

    ReplyDelete
  2. Saro..15 May 2014 at 07:35

    Satish, All the best for UPSC exams! Your time is yours all the way. Parents may feel you have to get married at right age, that is the case with every other person in India, so don't get frustrated upon things and declare yourself as "NO ONE UNDERSTANDS ME" most of us do, because we are in same boat ( not in UPSC though). And most of the times, people win, Loving your parents is a separate thing and having your own ideals,ideas,thoughts,goals and aspirations is a separate thing altogether. We, the population of our proud nation had once had the detached attachment in our traditions ( Rama was sent away from his kingdom to get his education under vishwamitra and he brought a bride along with him WITHOUT his parent's notice to Ayodhya while returning ) I don't know, what happened to our traditions over a period of time, we started attaching our sense of life and purpose of life to our child's money earning capacity and wants him to follow the herd ( crowd/society) like a flock of sheep. So, explain it to your parents if you can... " My love and respect to you is different from my love towards my own life both are mutually exclusive" , if they understand fine! if they don't, well they will understand when you crack your UPSC interview. So all the best my friend.

    Sincerely,
    A person who aspires to be a writer but is grilled by every other person I meet to get married.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Sathish IITR16 February 2015 at 17:54

      Thanks Saro... Sorry i saw your post quite late.... I dunno whether u ll b able to check this reply also... Still i wanna thank you for the kind words you said..I am really glad to see you taking out your valuable time to encourage me... ThanQ very much.... I wish you all the very best in ur aims... Cheers... :-)

      Delete
  3. Anonymous28 May 2014 at 22:42

    hey...please cool down sathish...this year u r gonna Rock it up...Im very sure abt that.....pakkaa....Lock kar lo :) :)

    and u r not gvng ur upsc to prove ur ability...NO...u have already showed us all...wat u are.. with ur IIT ,80k salary,cisco software jobb & u r just an young adult @ 20's ;) :) chill yar...pl do Take Care Of Yourself

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Sathish IITR16 February 2015 at 17:56

      thanks sir.... As u said, i have nothing else to prove to anyone...other than to myself.... Im striving hard sir... lets see how it goes... :)

      Delete

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