Saturday, 15 March 2014

Did i miss my train...Altogether???

2day i missed my train first time in life by 5 mins. I ran frantically from bus stand to Bangalore railway station with luggage.. My heart was racing at double the speed.. i was sweating like mad.. i desperately wanted to catch the train.. but it left the station by the time i reached platform.. i felt helpless..frustrated...angry upon myself... the same kind of helplessness which i felt when my state got bifurcated against our wishes....which i felt when i failed to clear UPSC mains in 2nd attempt.... which i felt when i was forced by situations to resign my job..which i felt when i read the problems of my country in books... I am devastated.... I wanna cry like hell.. i wanna smash someones face with my fist.. if not some1's, atleast mine in mirror... This is such a pathetic situation to be in..

No-one understands me. The failure in mains is something which i am still not able to come to terms with. Perceptibly i did no mistake. I tried my level best.. i gave my 100%.. but upsc is so unpredictable that it leaves u with surprizes. Well.. i was always ready for such a  surprize. But people around me started feeling bad more than what i feel... My mom wants me to rejoin job, as she could get me married to a good girl. Only Employed guys get good matches.. She isn't proud of the fact that Her son is preparing for the toughest exam of the country.. She feels that she gave me enough time..i.e., 2yrs... My dad n mom want me to go back2 earning phase of life n settle down like every other human being... We take Birth- We earn - We marry - We get children - We retire n then We die... this is not the life i want to lead... If every1 follows the same lifestyle, there wouldn't have been great leaders, poets, cricketers etc etc in our society..All i need is time... that too my time.. I donno why people are so emotionally attached to MY DAMN TIME ! this is once in a lifetime oppurtunity for me.. I myt fail in all my attempts, still i wanna give my 100% and no1 understands dat thing.

I just want a break from these relationships around me. I need absolutely no disturbance. I love you all.. but i love my goals n ambitions too... I can't sacrifice my goals, to satisfy your needs... This myt seem to be a monologue of a frustrated failed upsc candidate..well, i dont mind to be called like dat... Afterall, thats your perception.. I am not gonna go down,without putting up a fight...im gonna take upsc headon n even if fail, i consider it to be the failure of UPSC which missed me. Only "I" am the best friend of Myself. Cheers Sathish !!!